she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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