You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
