Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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