So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
