my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
