you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
