I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
