Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
