If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
