just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
