I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
