You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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