TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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