I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
