well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
