Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
