Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
