I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
