Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
3pm strippers are depressing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
