cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
