you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize