I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
