if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
