So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
