Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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