Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
