we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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