Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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