Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
