Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
