yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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