I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize