nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize