Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i barfeds in our rink
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
