Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
