I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
