Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
