just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
