We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
