i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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