My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
