so that wasnt chicken after all
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dear god my vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
