How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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