Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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