So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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