shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
