Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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