Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
