i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
