You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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