spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
