We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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