just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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