He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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