he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
