Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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