so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
