Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
