i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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