Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
