Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
