They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
