Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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