he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
