Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
