I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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