how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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